Column: Joe Morinville

joehead

joethumbWith the snow on the ground it’s become pretty clear that the missus and I won’t be doing any more yard work or making any trips to visit people out of town. So I guess I’m back to looking at the Facebook and reading the few western pocket books I can find what I haven’t read. Here’s some stuff I learned off the Facebook and the computer over the weekend.

1 Some woman by the name of Bria Roberts tried to set a Guinness World Record for making the most skips with a jump rope, but with one leg tucked all the way behind her head. Apparently the record is 24 times, which means someone else must’ve had the notion to do that. I guess it’s going to be on some television show this week so you can see if she broke the record. I’m not much for these contest shows, but I imagine I might watch this one at least twice.

2 Apparently down in Michigan they got a carp running for a Council seat. According to this story I read there is someone on the ballot called Twenty Pound Carp. Don’t make no snese. How could a slimy old fish run and get elected.

3 So how about that Rob Ford, eh?.

4 I come across the word selfie on the Internet the other day and was pleased to learn it wasn’t what I thought it was. Anyways, a selfie is apparently these photos people take of themselves with their phones and then put them on the Facebook. When I was growing up we went from one kind of camera to the next and even had a Polaroid camera what spit the picture right out of the bottom. We bought that when the kids was little. But we all took turns taking the pictures and in most of them we’re holding each other. They’re nice to look at so we can remember those times. In 30 years all these young folks are going to look back on their photos of them holding their phones instead of them holding one another. That sounds like memories of a lonely life to me.

5 And speaking of selfies, I guess the new thing going on is taking selfie photos at funerals. Folks what would do that ought to get slapped with a twenty pound carp, whether it wins that election in Michigan or not.

6 So I read in the Sun the other day that a gas station bathroom in Edmonton is up for an award for the cleanest bathroom in all of Canada. Is that even something that’s possible? I always thought there was some rule in that business where you couldn’t operate such a facility unless the floor was covered in wet paper towels, the seat was left up and half broken, and the toilet handle could only be touched with work gloves. If a gas station restroom is an award winner, then I think I’ve now seen everything there is to see in this world.

7 But here’s something nobody’s seen in a while. Me getting seven items in.

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