Column – Joe Morinville

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joethumbWinter Olympics start on Friday. Guess that’s all people will be talking about for the next two weeks or more. Guess I’ll talk about it now and get things rolling.

1 Last time they held the Winter Olympics was in 2010 and it was in Vancouver. Lot of folks here got all excited about the Olympic torch coming through the area. Think the closest it got to Morinville was way out at Namao and plenty of folks went or so they said they did. If folks want to see torches this time they just need to wait until the Town budget comes out later this month. Then I suspect there’ll be plenty of torches to see and pitchforks too.

2 There are no pitchforks in the winter or summer Olympics. That’s disappointing to me but so is most of this Olympics stuff. They got synchronized diving and gymnastics where they spin ribbons all around in the air. Why not hay baling or pitchfork manure tossing? Tell me it’s stupider than the two what I just mentioned. You can’t tell me that it’s stupider ‘cause I’m right.

3 And speaking of pitchforks full of manure being tossed around. I see in the Council Briefs we’re going to the polls to decide if we keep photo radar or not. Don’t understand this petition business and why it works the way it does, but I’ll be coming ‘round to your house to get you to sign my petition to make Council pass a bylaw that says you cannot buy soft drinks and slushies smaller than 40 ounces in this town. If they won’t pass it, they got to put it out to a vote. That’s the law. That’s how it works. And I’m gonna buy a slurpy-making slushie machine ahead of time and start stocking up on big cups with my name on the side.

4 Speaking of big drinks and the Olympics. Coke took a lot of trouble from the Internet people because of some website thing where you could write what you wanted to on the side of a Coke can. Apparently they banned a bunch of words folks don’t like, including the word gay. A lot of folks got upset because they said Coke was being homophobic because they allowed straight as a word you could use. But I suspect if the word gay was allowed on the side of the can, someone would have wrote “Pepsi is gay” and there’d be an outrage about that and Coke would still be called homophobic. Seems you cannot win trying to do stuff.

5 Well I won’t be on the Facebook until Olympics is over and people stop posting pictures of the Norwegian curlers’ outfits. Once is enough.

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