Column: Joe Morinville

joeDon’t know what to make of this whole Mayan calendar business. It’s either a case of they run out of rock to write on or they were super smart and Friday is game over for mankind. Here are my thoughts on all of it.

1/ A book I read said the Mayans liked their kids cross-eyed. Apparently they waved stuff in front of their eyes until the kid was permanently cross-eyed. We are doing that today with all these Xboxes and whatnot we give kids. Point goes to the Mayans for doing it themselves without the aid of electronic crap.

2/ Same book I was reading about the Mayans said the kids were vegetarians until the age of 10. No wonder they were cross-eyed. Parents were probably waving a carrot stick in front of their eyes trying to get them to eat it. How can we trust the calendar of people that won’t eat meat?

3/ Some Americans are so convinced the world is going to end December 21 that the government got NASA to do some announcements to convince people it isn’t true. That’s easy for them to say. If the world goes kaput they can just hop on one of those flying saucers they got hidden at that Area 51 place. So long, suckers.

4/ Of course for half the people in the States the world ended when Obama got his second term. Course if the world is ending Friday he won’t get his second term. The Republicans will like that.

5/ Speaking of second terms, if the world is done December 21 at least Council can be happy they passed the budget before it ended. Do not know where we’ll be going when the world is gone, but I’m pretty sure we’ll still get our property tax bills come spring.

6/ Since the world might end on Friday I think the big box stores ought to hold a REAL Black Friday sale that day since Boxing Day sales are going to be way down this year.

7/ Wife once made me go watch that movie Mel Gibson made about the Mayans. It was called Apocalypto and I thought it was a dance movie. Damned thing was in Mayan language with subtitles. Ten minutes into it I wished the world was ending, and that was back in 2006.

8/ If it’s the end of the word, as we know it, can someone please explain to me what the hell R.E.M. is singing in the song other than “It’s the end of the world as we know it.” That’s the only part makes a lick of sense. That and Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Of course not – Lenny Bruce died in 1966.

9/ That show Doomsday Preppers is going to seem a little pointless come January.

10/ Come to think of it, all of those reality TV shows are going to look pointless come January… just as they did last January and every month they’ve been on.

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