Column – Joe Morinville

Well the editor got upset with me the other night on the Facebook because I told him I had no ideas for this week’s column and that I was going to be late with it. He called me a bunch of names he’d never print in the paper, but that’s the kind of #@$% that he is. So I decided I’d just go through all his online stories and make comments about what’s going on in town.

1/ I see the festival society people are taking over the farmers’ market from the library friends. I think the library people did a good job with the market and don’t see why they needed to give it to the festival people. Don’t know about the top of the food chain with the library people but I know the festival head guy doesn’t eat meat. Suppose it will be all right so long as he don’t try to inflict his vegan ways on the rest of us that want to buy a hot dog or some beef jerky off a vendor’s table.

2/ Speaking of festival people, someone told me they were bringing the Headpins to the cultural centre this summer. I was about 30-something when they first came out. Never cared much for the music, but I always thought their girl singer looked all right.

3/ She ought to wear a hat when she comes to the cultural centre because that pigeon will still likely be around. In fact, they all should wear a hat when they come in that building over there.

4/ Good on Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s government for coughing up that money to save our church steeple. Folks here dug deep to raise more than the $250,000 they needed to show the federal boys they was serious about saving one of Alberta’s oldest buildings.

5/ See the bylaw people have been running around chasing dogs in town quite a bit. Couple years ago they was chasing cats around that was loose when they shouldn’t have been. I think it’s time the town did a licence for cats. The story said the Town thinks dog licenses are the reason big numbers of dogs get back to the owners. We ought to be thankful to the vet clinic here. Weren’t for them adopting all these lost and abandoned cats out to folks, you wouldn’t be able to swing a cat in this town without hitting a dead cat.

6/ Them photo radar guys must be brown bagging their lunches now that the hot spots aren’t getting so much money as they used to. I’m sure glad to see they are setting up more in the school zones. More than a hundred tickets over by the public school means people ought to smarten the hell up. Driving nearly 50 in a school zone. What’s wrong with you people?

7/ So Councillor Pattison wants to give the graduating class $250 of our money to help pay for a bus to take graduates out to some location that is not known to us so they can have a few wobbly pops and then get a safe ride home. Me and my brother Oscar want that too, but I don’t expect the taxpayers of this town to fund our post Oilers toot ups down at the local saloon. We do what we always do. I raid the wife’s coin jar and Oscar walks his empties down to the Bottle Depot and we pay for our own post booze-up transportation.

8/ See there is going to be a tattoo parlour and a place to get your tongue pierced here in town. If I got my info right, the last three new businesses to come here is a guy selling papers on the corner, a guy in a van selling big blankets with marijuana leafs on them and now a tattoo parlour and pierce your parts place. I got no beef with a guy selling newspapers but I’d trade the other two for a Dairy Queen any day. But I guess we can’t complain too much. It isn’t like they’re opening another liquor store or coffee shop.

9/ Those boys over at Sal’s are giving away a burger and fries for every new blood donor. I’ve give blood before so I don’t qualify, but their burgers are worth having even if you have to pay for them.

10/ Well, if you are reading this 10th entry in my list, then my column didn’t get cut for once and that ought to be front-page news next week.

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  1. Regarding #9. Don’t forget about the stripper joint (??) on our Mainstreet corner now. Disgraceful. Morinville – A Family Choice. And then you look at a silhouette of a naked women at the centre of town. Sigh…

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