Column – Joe Morinville

When you read what’s going on in the world you get left feeling like the world’s a couple bricks short of a full load. At least I do. Here’s some stuff don’t make a lick of sense to me.

1/ Seen in one of the papers how some actress I never heard of name of Tilda Swinton slept in a glass box inside some arty farty museum in New York City. Everybody was cooing like doves about how this was some kind of great performance art and how she’s going to do it a few more times this year. Don’t know what she got paid or what it cost New York City taxpayers, but I’ve fell asleep in public places many times and nobody offered me so much as a nickel.

2/ I read the Biography Channel is looking for kids what lived before. It’s for some reality TV show about reincarnation. I don’t believe in reincarnation. I think it’s nonsense, and I didn’t believe in reincarnation the last time I was here either.

3/ Went on the Internet to watch a couple movie trailers for some movies I was thinking of going to see this year. I had to watch a commercial before it would play the movie trailer. What the heck? Isn’t a movie trailer a commercial for the movie? So how come I have to watch a commercial before the commercial for the movie. All I needed was some pop spilled in my comfy chair, someone’s cell phone shining up ahead of me, and someone else charging me $30 for a small thing of popcorn and a small box of candy. Then I’d feel just like I was at the movies.

4/ Used to be a baby bump was what a crawling baby got when he bonked his head on the linoleum or the sharp edge of the coffee table. Now apparently it is the big belly his mother gets when she’s pregnant. I think it’s a stupid thing to call it, but I suppose if that’s what folks are calling it today there’s nothing I can do about it. But people on the TV news just sound stupid talking about some famous singer’s baby bump after they’ve talked about some serious news story. They also ought to stop using it in newspaper headlines.

5/ There are a lot of words I wish people would stop using. Passion is one. Passion is what a couple experience before they cut to a shot of the fireplace. You know what the couple is getting up to while you are looking at the flames. That’s passion. Passion isn’t your great love for putting pickles on a cheeseburger. Sure, maybe a musician can be passionate about her music. Sure, a painter can be passionate about art, most of which don’t make a lick of sense. But you can’t be passionate about your job putting pickles on a cheeseburger. I don’t care how good you are at it or how much you like doing it.

6/ Another one people need to stop using is bucket list. I understand you might like to go skydiving before you kick the bucket, but when you are as close to kicking the bucket as I am, the only thing on your bucket list is another 20 or 30 years of regular living. As boring as that might seem to you 20-somethings and 30-something-or-others that are yapping about your bucket list of extravagant stuff you want to do before you croak.

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1 Comment

  1. My compliments to the Town of Morinville for being almost ready for Christmas 2013. St. Jean Baptiste park all ready to go.

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