Column – Joe Morinville

Looking at last week’s front-page photo of bright pink, purple and yellow Easter eggs stuck in grey and white snow depressed the heck out of me. Enough with winter already. Spring has sprung and I’m hopeful the snow will take a hint and take a hike for a few months. It is Alberta after all. But here’s some signs spring is coming.

1/ I heard a bunch of geese squawking overhead the other night. At least I think it was geese. I got some heavy smoking neighbours like to argue on their back porch all the time. Sounds about the same as geese squawking.

2/ Snow is melting nicely in yards on one side of the road and nearly roof high on the other side of the road. We’ll be gardening in the front yard while the neighbours across the street will still be chipping away at the snow, hoping it would just melt.

3/ Kids riding up and down the road on bikes, skateboards, scooters, boogie boards, next to none of them wearing a helmet.

4/ Sudden appearance of dog Danishes on the sidewalks by the mailbox. They might have been there all winter and just thawed out. But they look pretty fresh.

5/ That $#@%& mangy grey cat is back on the prowl, waiting to use my flowerbed as a litter box.

6/ The lads with the loud mufflers are roaming and roaring. Suppose it is not quite as bad as idling a diesel engine at 4:30 in the morning, but it is a noise I could do without.

7/ Seeds available for sale almost everywhere you turn. Flowers, cucumbers, funny squash I’d never eat unless you force-fed it to me, weird salad green things only vegans and vegetable-contrarians can pronounce. Carrots and peas and potatoes are the things to grow – and maybe some regular peppers and tomatoes, but not those weird shaped or coloured ones. Yellow tomatoes make me thing that #@$% mangy grey cat got to them.

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8/ Kids and young people are running around with no coats on. Yes, they do that all winter, but now their teeth aren’t chattering nearly so much.

9/ That boom, boom, boom sound coming down the road like Godzilla is on the march to take out Tokyo. I wish it was Godzilla coming instead of three lads in a little puddle jumper playing music I got no interest in knowing about and sure as heck can’t understand. I don’t like that hip hopper Snoopy Dog nonsense talking about putting a cap in your “beep”. I say put your cap on forwards and pull your pants up over your “beep”.

10/ I like the sound of birds singing unless it is those magpies squawking in the morning. I’d be all right if they were squawking about carrying off that $#%* mangy grey cat. But I don’t understand what magpies are singing any more than what these hip hoppers are singing between the boom, boom, boom noises.

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