Column – Joe Morinville

I see Escape Travel is giving away a big prize at the Trade Show this weekend. Sure hope I win it. It got me to thinking about holidays and travelling. Here’s my thoughts on making holidays a little more fun.

1/ Tell your cigar smoking friends you are going to Cuba and watch them whip out the $50 bills for you to bring them back some cheap puffers. Use that money to wine and dine yourself stupid on your trip and then tell them customs took all the cigars at the border. Tell them you feel really bad about it. They will feel bad and won’t even ask for the money back. I call this the Joe Morinville airfare only holiday. If you use Air Miles for the flight, it’s got free written all over it.

2/ Get yourself a good paying job and then do your sideline job on company time. It’ll make your crappy day job seem like a holiday until you get caught by the boss and find yourself on a more permanent vacation.

3/ Walk into a travel agent and ask to see a travel brochure on North Korea. When they say they have none say, “What? Why don’t you have any travel brochures on North Dakota?” Don’t take your wife with you when you do it because she probably won’t find it all that funny. Mine didn’t. Neither did the travel agent.

4/ They are giving away a chance to win a cruise at the trade show. I’m not sure I never understood cruises or why people seem to like them. It’s like lying around on your back deck and getting sea sick doing it.

5/ You don’t need to go on holiday if you have sunshine and a hammock. I don’t mean one of those store-bought ones on legs. I’m talking about a good old-fashioned hammock tied between two trees. That right there is a slice of heaven.

6/ If you are one of those folks likes to get your picture taken by funny town signs, here’s a few for you:

Jackass Flats, Nevada
Buttzville, New Jersey
Bat Cave, North Carolina
Hooker, Oklahoma
Greasy Corner, Arkansas