Column: Joe Morinville

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joethumbSo the Oscar nominees were announced last Thursday and it got me thinking about how much I like movies and how much I hate the Oscars, except for my brother Oscar whom I watch the Oscars with.

1 The Best Picture is almost always a movie I’ve never seen or have no interest in seeing, like Captain Philips and Philomena. They’ve done it again by picking a bunch of films I don’t even like the titles of. Last time I agreed with a Best Picture pick was Braveheart in 1996. Time before that was 1973 when The Godfather won.

2 In actual fact, I pretty much agreed with their picks throughout the 1970s, but that doesn’t count movies like American Hustle that are set in the 1970s. Real ‘70s movies like Midnight Cowboy, Patton, The French Connection, Godfather, The Sting, Godfather Part II, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Rocky, Annie Hall, and The Deer Hunter. Not a bad movie in the bunch, although Annie Hall could have done with some gunfights and car chases.

3 I was quite shocked to learn the Oscar statue is based on a naked Mexican named Emilio. You can Google that up on the Wikipedia if you don’t believe me.

4 Naked Mexican named Emilio. I mentioned that earlier but it bares repeating. BARES repeating.

5 The Oscars will be revealed on Mar. 2 and I think it would be a lot more enjoyable to watch if they just announced the winners and tossed them their trophy from the stage, particularly if it hit one of them in the head. These long acceptance speeches are too much. You could watch the movie in the time it takes the winner to tell you how thankful they are. The actual time limit is 45 seconds but most of them don’t know enough to shut up once that cheesy orchestra music starts playing to tell them it’s time to move on.

6 And do we really need to send 28 people up on stage to accept some technical award? Come on. Your names start rolling by at the end of the movie in the credits and we start filing out the door to go home, unless it’s one of them new superhero movies with the Thor in it. They always have a little extra preview movie bit after the credits. I never knew that until I took the missus to see the Thor and she was so mesmerized by his flowing Thor hair that I couldn’t get her up out of the seat when the movie was done.

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