Column: Joe Morinville


joethumbI don’t have a theme this week like I sometimes do. Although the theme is kind of crazy stuff going on here and there and my opinions about the crazy stuff going on here and there.

1 You can’t make this stuff up. A woman in Brazil was injured by a porcupine falling off a lamp post and the prickly rodent left nearly 300 quills in her head. Now I know a lot of you folks were upset when the last Council went and banned elephants and armadillos from town, but I’m glad they did. Imagine the damage an elephant would do falling from a lamp post on some unsuspecting person. Mind you, I can think of a couple that I wouldn’t mind seeing pulverized by a pachyderm.

2 Fellow in Sweden is reading the newspaper and reads his own obituary. Apparently he took sick over the holidays and when his 90-year-old sister talked to the doctors, she didn’t get their meaning and figured he was dead. Imagine reading your obituary and figuring you’d died and gone to heaven. I don’t know what to expect when I get to heaven, but I hope it’s more than reading the paper in the morning, at least not this one.

3 Watched this news interview the other day of a woman who got a world record for the loudest burp. I don’t know what is worse: the fact this was a serious news interview or that I spent nearly 10 minutes listening to crappy questions just to hear some lass crack out a 128-decibel belch. It was a pretty darned impressive burp though.

4 Mind you, it wasn’t the funniest video I saw last week. Seen one of a farting deer that struck me as a hoot. My bulldog, Buffalo Jump can let one rip, but that deer put him to shame. I put the video on my Facebook if you want to look at it or you can just go to the Google and look for farting deer.

5 Speaking of childish and stupid stuff, how about that Justin Bieber fellow? Don’t he just make you beam with Canadian pride? Seems like a couple years ago he was living in Ontario, the centre of the universe, and strumming his little guitar for the change jingling in people’s pockets. Now he’s jingling prison chains and charged with driving drunk. Nineteen year olds ain’t all stupid. Look at this responsible 19-year-old we got on Town Council. Going to university and making adult decisions for us all. He’s not abandoning little monkeys, peeing in mop buckets and racing Lamborghinis.

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