Column: Joe Morinville

Thanks to everyone what wished me a happy birthday on the Facebook last Thursday. I noticed nobody run my picture in The Morinville News to recognize my 68th trip around the sun, but nobody did last year either. But they did run a funny cartoon by Bruce Humen of me getting helped up after playing a guitar solo. So anyway here’s my thoughts on birthdays and such.

1 I said this last year, too, but it is worth repeating. Why is it every time one of us old bucks says something we don’t like about the young bucks and how they do things somebody always yells “Get off my lawn.” I’ve never yelled at anyone to get off my lawn except for stupid roaming cats what leave chocolate kitty éclairs in my garden and they don’t listen to advice any more than the young bucks do.

2 Seems to me like age is only important if you are a classic car, bottle of wine or block of cheese. Mind you, I do get the senior discount at some restaurants on stuff I ought not eat at this age.

3 Fellow said to me last year that I ought to be careful not to burn my house down with all the candles I needed to put on my birthday cake. Instead of making a cake big enough to hold 68 candles, the wife made 68 fancy cupcakes with one candle on each. She’s into this fancy cupcake nonsense people are on about. I like cupcakes, but you got to eat six of the little things to get as much as you’d get out of one piece of cake. And they got no icing on the sides like cake – just a little dab on the top.

4 But getting old isn’t horrible. At least I turned 65 before the government said people couldn’t get their pensions until the age of 67.

5 I never used to think I was old, but the other week I was in an elevator in Edmonton and heard my favourite song playing in the elevator. So I stayed on the elevator and rode up and down the building until it was done.

6 Got a little scared when the wife give me a whole bowl of them little blue pills they advertise on the television. At least that’s what I thought they was until I put on my glasses. Turned out she’d bought herself a bag of M&Ms and dug out the blue ones because she don’t like those ones.

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