Column: Joe Morinville

joethumbI noticed a photo what got posted online of a bunch of geese and it was referred to as a gaggle. I had to look it up on the Google but I learnt that almost every kind of animal has a different name when there’s a bunch of them. Made me think of how them words might be used to describe other groups of folk.

1 I think the funniest one I come across was the name for a group of alligators. Apparently they are called a congregation. I don’t know what church you was brought up in, but I often found our congregation did a lot of snapping and gnashing their teeth, particularly if Father’s sermon was too long.

2 Now they say a group of bacteria is a culture and that’s funny to me because art is also culture. Now I like a good painting as well as the next guy, particularly if it is a nice farm scene or maybe some dogs playing poker or pool. But some of this stuff they hang in that tin can in Edmonton is just blobs of paint like someone got sick on the canvas. So maybe culture is the right name for a group of bacteria.

3 Everyone knows a bunch of birds is called a flock, but apparently a bunch of sea birds is called a wreck. Now that makes sense to me because every time I have ever had a picnic on a beach them seagulls and other scavenger birds wreck the picnic flopping and squawking around the place.

4 I don’t know what was eating the fellow what came up with the name for a group of ferrets, but he sure didn’t like people what own stores and other commercial enterprises because he called a group of ferrets a business. Now if he’d called them a government, I think we’d all been in agreement.

5 Speaking of government, a group of baboons is called a troop. I’m gonna file that for a future column when I’m making any further comments with respect to what our local, provincial or federal politicians are doing. So if’n you ever hear me say something like “the troops are scratching themselves over this one,” you’ll know I’m calling them a bunch of baboons. Of course a group of gorillas is called a band, so you may see that used sometime soon too.

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