Column: Joe Morinville

People, I hope you survived that wind on the weekend. Buffalo Jump, my bulldog, was some wound up with the wind and the branches brushing up against the house. He took to whining most of the day, which reminded me of folks on the Internet. So I went looking for what’s been going on so I could write about it.

Stick it where the sun don’t shine

Seen in this rag’s online stories where the NDP had to gather half the province, including our own Mayor Lisa Holmes, to announce $5 million bucks worth of solar power money to save the world from climate change. The government says it’s to battle global warming and create jobs. Heard a Wildrose fellow on the Global News rolling his eyes on that one. Yep, I could actually hear his eyes rolling. Now, if you give me $5 million I’m going to quit this job for sure, but $5 million for job creation in the whole of Alberta ain’t going create too many jobs to replace all the ones we’re losing in oil and gas. And it ain’t going to go too far to whip global warming back into the cows’ behinds, which is where I heard it come from.

…and speaking of leaking air

On the weekend, the Calgary Herald said the NDP are now in third place in the province among people’s choices. Wildrose is No. 1 with 33 per cent of the people, and the Conservatives are close behind with 31 per cent. Boy, that sure tells me that neither the NDP (27 per cent) or the Wildrose are doing any great shakes in people’s opinions.
The way I see this poll they released on Saturday, it’s like asking people what way they like to send messages and nearly as many people pick a fax machine as an iPhone or an Android. Now put that in your pipeline and smoke it.

Crime by any other name

We’ve got enough crime happens around here with people breaking into unlocked cars and stealing wallets left in plain sight to be writing about what goes on in the United States. But I read the other day where Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was arrested again. This time, he got locked up for attacking police officers. Now there ain’t nothing funny about hurting cops, but this guy’s name was too good not to share it with you. Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. Just writing it twice nearly fills my column for this week.

All my life I worried about how maybe someone with the same name as me would get arrested for something awful and then it’d be all over the news and people would think it was me. Maybe there is some other Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop this week telling people it wasn’t him what got arrested.

Family Day message

Family Day is this weekend, and I know a lot of folks have to work the Monday, which kind of defeats the purpose Don Getty had in mind to prevent families disintegrating. But if you got kids or grandkids and you got the day off, I sure hope you spend time together and put away the darned phones and the Facebook for 24 hours.

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