New Cola to be on market in time for Canada Day
by Morinville Online Staff
Following the Liberal’s release of their $9.1 billion 2030 Emissions Reduction Plan: Canada’s Next Steps to Clean Air and a Strong Economy on Tuesday, the government has announced its plans to launch a new cola that is both sugar-free and carbon-free.
Called Liberal Cola, the soft drink, to be manufactured in Ottawa and Montreal, contains no sugar and no carbonation like other sodas on the market.
“Canadians have told us from coast to coast to coast that the environment is important and that we must not only reduce CO2 emissions but also the use of CO2 in general,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in a media release Thursday afternoon. “We believe this cola has all of the flavour and none of the harmful carbonation of other brands, but also no sugar, which is something we are hoping to be able to tax in the very near future.”
The federal government plans to launch Liberal Cola on Canada Day, 2022 and anticipates sales to be available immediately after. It is expected, based on government estimates that the product will greatly reduce belching and flatulence, helping to further reduce not only CO2 emissions but also much more harmful methane emissions.
Premier Jason Kenney commenting on Twitter early Friday morning said the announcement left him flat and that he would look for an appropriate meme or two to share his displeasure with the move.
Liberal Cola will be sold in 355 ml cans and carry the same 10 cent deposit and refund, except in Alberta, where the deposit will be $1 and no refund will be offered.
The above article is satire