Column: Joe Morinville

by Joe Morinville

Well, the owner of this rag convinced me that I ought to come back and start writing a column again regular. I originally didn’t want to do it because of a number of reasons, but mostly it was the number of dollars offered. More like the lack of the number of dollars offered. Anyways, I’m not gonna be doing the list of stuff I used to do, but sometimes I might. We agreed that I could write a column about anything I want. Pretty much it’s gonna be stuff I seen on the Internet or heard about at Timmy’s or in one of the other coffee shops.

Chickens roaming in backyards:

I ain’t really got an opinion on whether people ought to be able to keep a few chickens in their backyard or not. Growing up here, there used to be chickens, pigs and cows — sometimes in the same yard. We got away from all that as a society, but now it seems to be some kind of hippity dippity hippy thing to do like growing lumberjack beards but never picking up an axe. Mind you they did have axe throwing a couple times here at festival.

But I’ll tell you what annoys me about chickens. It’s when you go to a convenience store or chicken joint and decide you want a breast, and the clerk gives you a thigh. I think if you’re gonna sell people fried chicken, you ought to know a breast from a thigh.

Maybe the Town ought to let people raise chickens, then kids will grow up learning the different parts when they slaughter them. That way I’ll be able to order some fried chicken and get what piece I ordered. I hate thighs.

Cats roaming in backyards:

A lot of folks I know is upset they’re thinking about letting cats run around loose with no fines or nothing. I ain’t thrilled about it either because every summer we go to the green houses to get the colourful annual flowers that cost me a bunch of money. The missus spends days planting them, and then gets upset a week later when the neighbourhood cats have left a few dozen kitty cigars in the dirt. It’s the only time I hear her curse, and it’s usually at me for laughing at her for getting so mad at the cats.

Maybe they ought to rethink this one. People say cats are supposed to run around loose because it’s in their nature — it’s in their DNA. Well, it’s in dogs DNA to run around in packs eating cats. Don’t see anyone at the Town asking to make a bylaw to allow dogs to do that.

New Year’s resolutions:

I have to laugh at some retired friends of mine that make these crazy New Year’s resolutions that they never will keep. Now I like to take Buffalo Jump for his daily walk, so I’m not against walking, but when a 68-year-old friend says he’s gonna take up jogging, I think that’s the kind of resolution that’s just going to go in one year and right out the other.

My resolution is to try and meet deadline on these columns of mine. Yeah, we’ll see how far into the New Year I get with that one.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email