I keep hearing people asking this one and that one who Joe Morinville is. Is he a real person? People are saying Joe Morinville is really this guy or that guy. I’m me and if folks don’t stop it, you won’t have Joe Morinville to kick around any more. Let’s rule out the possibilities here, folks.
1/ Most people think I’m the editor of this publication, but the editor is from Ontario and only came to Alberta 10 years ago. So he doesn’t know how great Morinville was. Only how great it is now. Besides if he were from here instead of the center of the universe, he’d spell chilies with one L instead of two like the stuffy English do.
2/ Another reason the editor could not be Joe Morinville is because newspaper editors are humourless #@$% and I’m quite funny as I’m sure you all know.
3/ The final reason Joe Morinville could not be the editor? If I were the editor I’d pay myself more instead of the pittance the real editor pays me for what is the most popular part of this publication.
4/ Some people think Joe Morinville (me) is Fire Chief Ron Cust, but the chief works for the government. Now I ask you – have you ever seen a government list that was limited to just 10 items?
5/ Besides, Mr. Cust walks around in a fedora with a feather sticking out of it. If I wear a hat it’s a ball cap and you can stick the feather.
6/ Now some people say Joe Morinville is really Paul Smith. I’ve got shoes older than Paul Smith.
7/ Second reason! Smith is a vegan and they don’t name great burgers like the Joe Morinville Burger after vegans. They name vegetable sandwiches after vegans. The day they create the Joe Morinville Vegetable Sandwich, I’ll go skipping naked through a field of daisies and call myself Rainbow Moon Child or some other hippy name.
8/ Final reason I’m not Paul Smith. I do not own leather pants.
9/ Now what really frosts my pumpkins is some people think Joe Morinville is not even a real person at all. No one’s seen me? Hell! No one’s seen the mayor lately either, but I don’t see anyone saying he’s not real.
10/ Here’s the truth, folks. After two years of guessing. I’ll tell you who Joe Morinville is. I’m all of you. I get to say what you all are thinking and whispering about, and the cheap $#@% of an editor pays me to write it each week.