Letter: Alberta Covid weather forecast for May 4th, 2021

Ninety per cent chance of further restrictions this afternoon, with a 60% chance of losing your ability to get a haircut by midnight, and a 10% chance of an essential services drought by Friday, depending on today’s case count.

Moving to the 7 day: there is a 99% chance of some large gathering bullshit (LGB) darkening the skies this weekend, and by Monday it is expected that the Premier will express his disappointment, nay frustration, nay-nay anger in another press conference. There is a 0% chance that anyone involved in LGB will see any form of immediate intervention or consequences and only a 5% chance of intermediate-term repercussions for participants.

There is a certainty that the Premier will sternly wag his finger in admonishment with a 20% chance of centripetal force causing dislocation at the 2nd knuckle and a 1000% chance that the CMOH will express “deep concern” with emotionless expression and tone.

In the long term, we can expect that small businesses will continue to see bomb-cyclone-like depressions as they are repeatedly shut down as a very visible “response measure” that fogs out the provincial Government’s inability to enforce social gathering restrictions.

Tune in to “Your Alberta” YouTube channel at 1530 hrs MST to see how accurate we are.

Thomas Kirsop, Morinville

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