Column: Joe Morinville – I think we’re getting a traffic light

Ah, Morinville, the bustling metropolis of 10,000 souls where decisions are made that shape the very fabric of our existence. Our illustrious Council has taken a bold step forward in a town where heated debates about traffic lights and roundabouts rage like a pot of spaghetti sauce left unattended.

With the provincial government stepping up to pay 60% of the cost, Council just approved adding a pinch of extra cash to this year’s budget to fund the Town’s portion of the 100 Avenue and Grandin Avenue intersection project.

Yes, you heard that right, folks! We’re talking about an intersection that’s been more contentious than complaints about coffee and sandwiches on Rant and Rave.

And the reason for all this hubbub? Well, it’s because that intersection is a real hotbed of traffic. Two roads crossing? Unheard of! Seriously. It’s about time we put up a traffic light there, and it’s surprising how many consultants, consultations and protesting moms on the corner it took to realize that is what was needed. Next thing you know, we’ll be paving the streets. What a novel concept!

But hold onto your seatbelts, folks, because when this light actually gets installed next year, it will bring our grand total of traffic lights to a whopping three! That’s right, three whole traffic lights in a town of 10,000 people. Move over, St. Albert; we’ve got this whole traffic management thing nailed down.

But that’s not all, my fellow Morinvillians. Brace yourselves for another mind-blowing revelation – our town is about to welcome its seventh liquor store! I mean, who needs boring old road safety when you can have an abundance of liquor options? Am I right? I saw the sign go up the other week, and I couldn’t help but feel a swell of civic pride. With seven liquor stores, we’re practically the Napa Valley of Alberta.

And let’s not forget our four cannabis shops and two vape stores. It’s a veritable shopping paradise.

Now, to be fair, elected officials or administrators do not decide what kind of businesses pop up and what people with bags of money to invest in a business decide to invest it in.

But here’s the kicker, folks, the piece de resistance – there’s still no place in town to get a decent pizza! Can you believe it? It’s almost as if the universe is conspiring against our pizza-loving hearts.

Maybe Council can allocate some budget to investigate this glaring oversight, you know, once they’re done handling the crucial traffic light situation.

What’s that? We have seven places to get pizza already.

Hmmmm, maybe someone could open a sock shop.